‘Lavanya, you better come out with me tomorrow or else I’ll never talk to you again!’ Persistent little cockatoo of a friend dragged a clueless, guilt- infested me to the city today. While she did justice to the ‘reporting’ that was demanded of us, I trotted along aimlessly humming tunes that helped passers-by term me tone deaf. Guilt, never declining and forever on the rise. So reporting, huh, Lavanya? The filthy little voice in my head whispers. Shadap, I snap back. I swear I heard an unforgiving chuckle.

I haven’t done anything worthwhile after the sem break. Haven’t really started my research, haven’t filed any news report, haven’t studied for any of the class tests, haven’t studied for my PG entrance exams, haven’t even done any assignment on my own. I hear the chuckle again.

So little cockatoo and me, we eat breakfast. As I gobble down a ghee roast and a masala dosa(uncouthly), little cockatoo pecks at her food (lady-like-ly) as I think of ordering a third dosa, a pestered, unwashed waiter drags his feet and walks over to us, points at me indignantly and asks cockatoo,’ Eniyum venama?’ (does she want more?).

The next time I was nudged out of my reverie, I found myself and my friends seated in a psychiatrist’s clinic. Cockatoo needs to interview him, she explains. They discuss teenage and emotional instability. I stop him abruptly and rant away about explosive and implosive anger. He says that implosive anger could be treated by practicing yoga. I tell him that I prefer karate, but I fear if I’d lose my cool and hit someone. My friends nod in unison. They know. They’ve been there. They sympathize. He looks at me and reveals that I might need ‘psychiatric attention’. Eh? BS.

So what did I do? I got out, tried to drown my guilt in food, got told that I need psychiatric help, ate a little more, sat on a friend’s bike ( he enquires if I’m alright after the ride, dude, I’ve sat on Gaurango Banerji’s bike. Thrice. No roller coaster could be scarier. Yes of course I’m alright) and strolled back into the college. What have I actually done today? Nothing.

Filthy voice, stop chuckling, will you?